“You say horrible things
I laugh because I love you
And when you touch my skin, I think
This isn’t boring” Montaigne -Because I Love You
I don’t know whether this (the title) is self projection, or whether I’m really hearing this from men.
I definitely did from Mr G. Got the email to prove it. Even now if I get upset, like today he accuses me of finding relief in the sex of another man.
Maybe he’s right, I mean I’ve done it before.
Does having done something before, condemn you to being that person forever? Well it’s certainly seeming that way.
Mr G has been dating up a storm. One of his dates contacted me on Facebook messenger. (I attempted today to delete my Facebook account but I can’t remember my bloody password). She was very distraught for reasons that are not mine to share. However what she did say was he told her his last partner (me) cheated on him numerous times. Wow, just wow. For those late to the story I didn’t, not even once.
Mr AA and i had reconciled after his public dumping, as he said he was consumed by me. I have to say he is a very nice distraction. Then, today, I get some convoluted, mind boggling text message from Mr AA. Pretty much boiled down to he can’t trust me as I am obviously a slut. Ok. I’m paraphrasing here, he didn’t call me a slut but my past behaviour is concerning.
I looked up the definition of slut for a laugh.
” A woman who has many casual partners”. I guess that’s true.
I like this one better “a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you“.
But still it wounds me. Do you think any man will trust me again? Will I spend every relationship from now on describing my calendar in full detail. ” Tonight I’m going to lunch with a friend, oh it’s a friend who is a girl, here see, the text, her picture, do you want me to take a picture of us at the restaurant to prove we are there? Sure thing darling”. Fuck that. Fuck you all.
Addendum: I backed out of a show with Mr G 9 hours before the start as Mr AA was having some trust issues and even though this was a long term date, made when we were still together, he had a point. How was this any different to me meeting Pirate for dinner. Of course this pissed off Mr G who subsequently blocked me.
I had some free tickets to another show that night, but after the message from Mr AA I realised he was no longer an option for a date. I asked a few female friends. In the end I ended up inviting Pirate, purely as a friend. Ironic eh?
Anyway it was an hour show, starting at 7pm, ironically about being single and using dating apps. It wasn’t funny, especially when Pirate didn’t show. He arrived 45 minutes late. By then I had left. I guess the universe was giving me pay back for standing up Mr G.